digital tasks - and introductory questioning?
have the digital tasks in our lives taken over our ability to make meaningful choices regarding what we accomplish in our time on this planet?
I find myself making lists frequently to track my progress of completing things while I am at home. And on these lists I find myself writing things like "run cleaner" or "move pictures to backup". I have these tasks that exist to keep order in my digital life. The things i do to maintain or interact with technology work their way into the tasks that i find important for making a successful day.
Is there something wrong with this?
Are digital tasks important? Do they provide meaning? Are they greater or less value than physical or "real" tasks we assign to our schedules?
I want to explore this topic a lot more. I think this should be my major work for the next few months.
2/1/15
1/26/15
15-5
What is it about the phrase "devil you know" that appeals to us?
It is easier to deal with the struggles or problems that you are accustomed to dealing with. When changes occur and we find ourselves having to think deeply about new problems or new ways of dealing with encounters or struggles we feel like "if only I had the same problems i had before...." This makes sense to us all. We want to develop our skills in areas that we enjoy and things we like, so when challenged in a negative way it seems the more familiar negatives allow us to autopilot ourselves and devote the developments to more positive ways.
When I work with new people I frequently find myself wishing I was working with some other more person that I already knew how they would react.
Is this a good thing? That we crave the familiar. Or is it something that holds us back.
Are we really more effective with the devil we know? Is it really a matter of comfort or is there a level of productivity that is lost from encountering new negative encounters?
When we apply this to a sort of community consciousness do we find ourselves agreeing to things we might not as individuals because we fear that something might be worse or require more of our attention?
I guess it helps to already know the responses and the ways around our struggles. Or at least the ways to ignore them.
It is easier to deal with the struggles or problems that you are accustomed to dealing with. When changes occur and we find ourselves having to think deeply about new problems or new ways of dealing with encounters or struggles we feel like "if only I had the same problems i had before...." This makes sense to us all. We want to develop our skills in areas that we enjoy and things we like, so when challenged in a negative way it seems the more familiar negatives allow us to autopilot ourselves and devote the developments to more positive ways.
When I work with new people I frequently find myself wishing I was working with some other more person that I already knew how they would react.
Is this a good thing? That we crave the familiar. Or is it something that holds us back.
Are we really more effective with the devil we know? Is it really a matter of comfort or is there a level of productivity that is lost from encountering new negative encounters?
When we apply this to a sort of community consciousness do we find ourselves agreeing to things we might not as individuals because we fear that something might be worse or require more of our attention?
I guess it helps to already know the responses and the ways around our struggles. Or at least the ways to ignore them.
1/19/15
15-4
Today i took a 30 minute walk in the cold, sunlight outdoors.
It was great, I had some interesting thoughts. I noticed things.
1. tree branches - like veins, want to map out the branch growth of every tree in a given area in the same two dimensional space, want to imagine the branches molecular structure reaching out beyond the planet into space, want to imagine every stump i see as a full tree and place that imaginary tree over the blank space of it's removal
2. wires - i love wires, telephone, electric, those wire grids that hang over cities, i love the junctions and the mess of parts, what are all those parts called, what materials are they? i wish i had 100 tiny sculptures of them to arrange in some sort of energy map art project to display a hidden image
3. outside - i miss the outdoors, i need to try harder to engage with my surroundings and get outside, the air is good in my lungs and i felt so much better after a commune with the world
4. sidewalks - i had this moment of wishing that i could use my brain to raise roots and crumble sidewalks, this lead to images of some super power in which i could control the removal of urban blight from my surroundings - story idea? maybe? need to expand on the idea of why i feel so ashamed of the building of suburban communities....i missed nature and wanted to just remove everything that wasn't...but at the same time we are creating new nature........this needs lots of expanding....i sense my next rant
It was great, I had some interesting thoughts. I noticed things.
1. tree branches - like veins, want to map out the branch growth of every tree in a given area in the same two dimensional space, want to imagine the branches molecular structure reaching out beyond the planet into space, want to imagine every stump i see as a full tree and place that imaginary tree over the blank space of it's removal
2. wires - i love wires, telephone, electric, those wire grids that hang over cities, i love the junctions and the mess of parts, what are all those parts called, what materials are they? i wish i had 100 tiny sculptures of them to arrange in some sort of energy map art project to display a hidden image
3. outside - i miss the outdoors, i need to try harder to engage with my surroundings and get outside, the air is good in my lungs and i felt so much better after a commune with the world
4. sidewalks - i had this moment of wishing that i could use my brain to raise roots and crumble sidewalks, this lead to images of some super power in which i could control the removal of urban blight from my surroundings - story idea? maybe? need to expand on the idea of why i feel so ashamed of the building of suburban communities....i missed nature and wanted to just remove everything that wasn't...but at the same time we are creating new nature........this needs lots of expanding....i sense my next rant
1/17/15
15-3
Questions:
Does the sound of falling leaves mean anything to animals?
Am i too worried about the future or not worried enough?
Will there be someone that listens to my music 100 years from now?
What would i do if i suddenly had the power to influence nature with my mind?
What is it that draws me to brightly colored sunsets?
What moments in my life will mean the most to those around me?
What moments in my life have i forgotten?
Are there things that i thought didn't affect me but really did have an effect?
Can animals sense that i am crazy?
How many moments of inspiration are just catching the right molecules, how many are the product of chance, how many are truly clarity of things already known, how many are inaccurate, how many are product of situations and surroundings, and how many just happen?
Why is it that i get goal overloaded and then do nothing?
Will this be a success and met the 52 post goal?
I expect a questions 2 at some point.
Does the sound of falling leaves mean anything to animals?
Am i too worried about the future or not worried enough?
Will there be someone that listens to my music 100 years from now?
What would i do if i suddenly had the power to influence nature with my mind?
What is it that draws me to brightly colored sunsets?
What moments in my life will mean the most to those around me?
What moments in my life have i forgotten?
Are there things that i thought didn't affect me but really did have an effect?
Can animals sense that i am crazy?
How many moments of inspiration are just catching the right molecules, how many are the product of chance, how many are truly clarity of things already known, how many are inaccurate, how many are product of situations and surroundings, and how many just happen?
Why is it that i get goal overloaded and then do nothing?
Will this be a success and met the 52 post goal?
I expect a questions 2 at some point.
1/10/15
15-2
sings the blade a golden song
truth unto the victor
lapsing sunken history
death unto the loser
we place our memories
in the hands of those in charge
and set up our past
as retellings
to clarify and
deguilt
to lead the youth
to trust
we place our memories
in books of the winners
perception chosen
with no care
winning makes us right
for we only have
one point of view
to trust
defiled, detained, dethroned
truth unto the loser
screams the blade a scarlet song
death unto the victor
lapsing sunken history
death unto the loser
we place our memories
in the hands of those in charge
and set up our past
as retellings
to clarify and
deguilt
to lead the youth
to trust
we place our memories
in books of the winners
perception chosen
with no care
winning makes us right
for we only have
one point of view
to trust
defiled, detained, dethroned
truth unto the loser
screams the blade a scarlet song
death unto the victor
1/1/15
15-1
I have been fairly silent lately on the “issues” of the day. We have a ranging variety of societal illnesses and a severe degree of unrest from a number of interested parties. I don’t know how to begin talking about these issues as separate problems. I could talk about race, law enforcement, education, government, corporations, religion, the environment, the economy, world relations, cultural appropriation, violence, gender equality, or a myriad of other hot button issues. In my head I can relate this all. I can make the grand connections and big points about my place and feelings and beliefs in this problems. It’s easy to reflect and discuss and pontificate on these troubles. Some of us ignore them, some of us try our best to advocate or argue our viewpoints. Some of us work towards actions of resolution. Others are caught in a middle place, between a desire to solve and feeling of helpless frustration. And yes, we need to acknowledge two other (and entirely maddening) places. The ignorance/blinded population, be it laziness, lacks of exposure, complacency, or other. The last is the knowingly oppositional. I say this not to take sides (that comes later). I say this to acknowledge that in every one of these problems there is an entity or group that is aware of the problem and is doing everything in their power to make the problem worse and or justifying the problem. Those justifying these problems are troublesome, yes, but the malicious parties who are actively watching the world burn (and frequently causing the burning) are the most serious in this day and age. I won’t say it’s a battle between good and evil. It’s not. Don’t even believe that I am implying that. That is, in fact, not my point at all.
What I encounter in a day is mostly mundane. I eat, sleep, and participate in a developing social structure based on judged and perceived value system (not moral, but more in the sense of worth). Everything I do is categorized by society to generate a data point that factors into my worth or importance as a piece of our fully realized civilization dream. Be it my job, or lack of, the status of my house in relation to neighbors, friends, relatives, and other humans (of whom play no role in my personal view of my worth). Yet somehow the mundane is an easy conduit for the problems of our modern developed society to exhibit the fractures in our dream that we either ignore, protest or damage.
We know and observe these fractures in a variety of ways. Our reactions to them are more important to my point that the fractures themselves (though they will be clear momentarily). Our dream civilization is broken. That much is clear. The degree to which is a point of contention that sometimes occupies the discussion more than it should. These fractures are not new.
Let us for a moment assume that these fractures have always been here. Impurities in our dream. The way that some ceramics and paints crack and fracture is a fairly useful image based analogy. As we move forward into a connected world we find ourselves zooming out in a sense to observe more of our planet and our species than ever before. We cry afoul as we find new fractures in our world. We fret over the severity and debate how soon we will collapse in upon ourselves. I think this is the wrong approach. Our system has always been broken. We had these problems in our design but couldn’t test out the flaws until the system had been running long enough to see that. This isn’t something we planned for. To be clear our world looks like it’s falling apart. It’s not. It’s fractured and worn and in need of alteration, but it is not shattered, not yet at least. We can destroy our dream. We are the only ones capable of that action. And we very well may get there someday. But we aren’t there yet.
Our species is self-aware. We debate our effect on our world, we create problems, we solve problems, we scheme and we plan and we fight. We have philosophy and psychology. We are outrospective and introspective. We define things and argue over those definitions and their accuracy. We as a species are obsessed with ourselves. That is a force that spreads our fractures.
The constant obsession with ourselves isn’t some noble quest for understanding, it’s a thriving natural need to replace our confusion and fear with an element of security or clarity. I am just as guilty as the rest of my species in this. Observing my species is what leads me to this piece. But I still maintain that this is at its heart an impurity of our material that causes these fractures.
I guess this is as a good a point as any to clarify my use of the word impurity. A few of you will have a visceral reaction to the concept of purity…relax. Remember this is not about good or evil. I’m not talking about moralistic or value based impurity. I’m talking about the opposite of pure, without flaw, of lack of perfection. This is not inherently a bad thing. I use impurity as one would talk about an impurity in a piece of pottery. Some minor addition or particle that alters the makeup of perceived perfection. Do not imply some sense of judgment to my words. There is none. We are not perfect, we don’t claim to be. What I am referring to is the basis of our fractures, where they stem from.
Let us move to the assumption that these fractures are some innate part of our dream. The topic to discuss then becomes should we fix the fractures or destroy and recreate it entirely. I’m not writing this to have an opinion on this part. I want to acknowledge those who will say that we need to spend the time to repair and rebuild our crumbling world. I want to acknowledge those who will say that these are to be expected in a species development as widespread as ours. I want to acknowledge those who will say we should destroy our entire system and create something new. No matter what path we take, we are bound to continue/create a system and a world filled with impurities. That is in its truest form human nature. This is where my controversial point will hit home for some of you.
Humans are jerks. Do I need to explain this? All you have to do is look at what you see as problems. It doesn't matter what side of the issue you are one, the people you disagree with are jerks. But so are you. We can’t get a handle on equality, of race, of gender, of economic standing, of ideology, of anything. We profit off whatever we can, be it destruction of the environment, misuses of public assets, the backs of others, the attitude of extreme greed that drives us to gain and hoard and obtain. We have dollar signs in our eyes and knives in our hands. We misuse power. We fight. We can’t handle the self-awareness. It is where we struggle. It is our fracture. We live in a broken system that hurts us all. Is it our fault, and yet, as an innate quality in our species something that was out of our control.
I know there are people out there that can handle their self-awareness. There will doubtlessly be a tide of response about “I’m not a jerk.” “My mom isn’t a jerk.” “My neighbor isn’t a jerk.” If this is the way you respond to my argument then I ask that you spend more time contemplating my message. Right now there are a world of people who battle injustice. But where are we going? It is no longer a power struggle. It is a matter of determining our purpose on this planet. In this universe.
Either nothing matters or everything matters or some combination of the two or some entirely unknown concept that is outside the scope of human understanding. I don’t blame anyone for the philosophy that with a world of problems the best we can do is focus on our own lives and communities. I don’t blame those who dedicate themselves to fighting injustice. I don’t even blame those who keep their head down, unsure of what to do.
I blame those who knowingly participate in the self-importance, the greed, and the judgment. You will laugh this off and deride it as philosophical garbage. But none the less I blame you. I don’t agree with you. Then again, who am I to have an opinion? I am just another frightened creature wandering around this life cage that is beyond comprehension. We all are.
What I encounter in a day is mostly mundane. I eat, sleep, and participate in a developing social structure based on judged and perceived value system (not moral, but more in the sense of worth). Everything I do is categorized by society to generate a data point that factors into my worth or importance as a piece of our fully realized civilization dream. Be it my job, or lack of, the status of my house in relation to neighbors, friends, relatives, and other humans (of whom play no role in my personal view of my worth). Yet somehow the mundane is an easy conduit for the problems of our modern developed society to exhibit the fractures in our dream that we either ignore, protest or damage.
We know and observe these fractures in a variety of ways. Our reactions to them are more important to my point that the fractures themselves (though they will be clear momentarily). Our dream civilization is broken. That much is clear. The degree to which is a point of contention that sometimes occupies the discussion more than it should. These fractures are not new.
Let us for a moment assume that these fractures have always been here. Impurities in our dream. The way that some ceramics and paints crack and fracture is a fairly useful image based analogy. As we move forward into a connected world we find ourselves zooming out in a sense to observe more of our planet and our species than ever before. We cry afoul as we find new fractures in our world. We fret over the severity and debate how soon we will collapse in upon ourselves. I think this is the wrong approach. Our system has always been broken. We had these problems in our design but couldn’t test out the flaws until the system had been running long enough to see that. This isn’t something we planned for. To be clear our world looks like it’s falling apart. It’s not. It’s fractured and worn and in need of alteration, but it is not shattered, not yet at least. We can destroy our dream. We are the only ones capable of that action. And we very well may get there someday. But we aren’t there yet.
Our species is self-aware. We debate our effect on our world, we create problems, we solve problems, we scheme and we plan and we fight. We have philosophy and psychology. We are outrospective and introspective. We define things and argue over those definitions and their accuracy. We as a species are obsessed with ourselves. That is a force that spreads our fractures.
The constant obsession with ourselves isn’t some noble quest for understanding, it’s a thriving natural need to replace our confusion and fear with an element of security or clarity. I am just as guilty as the rest of my species in this. Observing my species is what leads me to this piece. But I still maintain that this is at its heart an impurity of our material that causes these fractures.
I guess this is as a good a point as any to clarify my use of the word impurity. A few of you will have a visceral reaction to the concept of purity…relax. Remember this is not about good or evil. I’m not talking about moralistic or value based impurity. I’m talking about the opposite of pure, without flaw, of lack of perfection. This is not inherently a bad thing. I use impurity as one would talk about an impurity in a piece of pottery. Some minor addition or particle that alters the makeup of perceived perfection. Do not imply some sense of judgment to my words. There is none. We are not perfect, we don’t claim to be. What I am referring to is the basis of our fractures, where they stem from.
Let us move to the assumption that these fractures are some innate part of our dream. The topic to discuss then becomes should we fix the fractures or destroy and recreate it entirely. I’m not writing this to have an opinion on this part. I want to acknowledge those who will say that we need to spend the time to repair and rebuild our crumbling world. I want to acknowledge those who will say that these are to be expected in a species development as widespread as ours. I want to acknowledge those who will say we should destroy our entire system and create something new. No matter what path we take, we are bound to continue/create a system and a world filled with impurities. That is in its truest form human nature. This is where my controversial point will hit home for some of you.
Humans are jerks. Do I need to explain this? All you have to do is look at what you see as problems. It doesn't matter what side of the issue you are one, the people you disagree with are jerks. But so are you. We can’t get a handle on equality, of race, of gender, of economic standing, of ideology, of anything. We profit off whatever we can, be it destruction of the environment, misuses of public assets, the backs of others, the attitude of extreme greed that drives us to gain and hoard and obtain. We have dollar signs in our eyes and knives in our hands. We misuse power. We fight. We can’t handle the self-awareness. It is where we struggle. It is our fracture. We live in a broken system that hurts us all. Is it our fault, and yet, as an innate quality in our species something that was out of our control.
I know there are people out there that can handle their self-awareness. There will doubtlessly be a tide of response about “I’m not a jerk.” “My mom isn’t a jerk.” “My neighbor isn’t a jerk.” If this is the way you respond to my argument then I ask that you spend more time contemplating my message. Right now there are a world of people who battle injustice. But where are we going? It is no longer a power struggle. It is a matter of determining our purpose on this planet. In this universe.
Either nothing matters or everything matters or some combination of the two or some entirely unknown concept that is outside the scope of human understanding. I don’t blame anyone for the philosophy that with a world of problems the best we can do is focus on our own lives and communities. I don’t blame those who dedicate themselves to fighting injustice. I don’t even blame those who keep their head down, unsure of what to do.
I blame those who knowingly participate in the self-importance, the greed, and the judgment. You will laugh this off and deride it as philosophical garbage. But none the less I blame you. I don’t agree with you. Then again, who am I to have an opinion? I am just another frightened creature wandering around this life cage that is beyond comprehension. We all are.
15-00
i am reviving my personal challenge to put more in words.
this year it will take the form of 52 (or more posts).
the goal is one post a week. posted by saturday of each week.
there may be some weeks with more than one post and some weeks where i go back and post to fill in something i missed.
it will end with at least 52 word centric posts. poems, rants, story starters, who knows?
9/16/11
#x0001 - the crazed sonics of a man who forgot he was mad
oh joyous is the day when the mad lose themselves to normalcy
the buzzing disappears
or rather
appears diminished
when the mad lose
themselves
to normalcy
when the mad
forget their madness
or lose it
to the crowd
the ever rising risk
a return
to remember
the madness
is to hear those crazed sonics
the kind of noises
the sane do not hear
oh piteous is the day when the mad regain their madness
to forget that one is mad
for a day a week a year
is such a thing
harder to return from
than what
the sane might feel
the sonics of a man who forgot that he was mad
will return
full force
seeming stronger
with a loathing
for forgetting
that they cannot
be normal
sonics in the ear
will cause the mad
to lose themselves to normalcy
oh a false normalcy it is
but feeling
for a day a week a year
that one is not mad
that one is sane
will bring destruction
there comes a time
in the life
of every madman
when
for a day a week a year
they lose themselves
to a constant
where feeling safe
and feeling sane
will plug the neurons
and block those crazed sonics
that feed off dischordic motion
of a malfunctioning
perception
when the sounds return
the mad will fully realize
they are long beyond the rest
its not a bad thing
for the sonics to come back
the mad can learn to miss them
and feel complete when they return
it's time to relinquish
the hope for
normalcy
dashed, finally back
to hearing oh so loudly
the crazed sonics of a madman
the buzzing disappears
or rather
appears diminished
when the mad lose
themselves
to normalcy
when the mad
forget their madness
or lose it
to the crowd
the ever rising risk
a return
to remember
the madness
is to hear those crazed sonics
the kind of noises
the sane do not hear
oh piteous is the day when the mad regain their madness
to forget that one is mad
for a day a week a year
is such a thing
harder to return from
than what
the sane might feel
the sonics of a man who forgot that he was mad
will return
full force
seeming stronger
with a loathing
for forgetting
that they cannot
be normal
sonics in the ear
will cause the mad
to lose themselves to normalcy
oh a false normalcy it is
but feeling
for a day a week a year
that one is not mad
that one is sane
will bring destruction
there comes a time
in the life
of every madman
when
for a day a week a year
they lose themselves
to a constant
where feeling safe
and feeling sane
will plug the neurons
and block those crazed sonics
that feed off dischordic motion
of a malfunctioning
perception
when the sounds return
the mad will fully realize
they are long beyond the rest
its not a bad thing
for the sonics to come back
the mad can learn to miss them
and feel complete when they return
it's time to relinquish
the hope for
normalcy
dashed, finally back
to hearing oh so loudly
the crazed sonics of a madman
3/15/10
#74 - Mic Check
those static clicks, when a cable turns
rolling in its grave circumstance
or bad entangled situation
those hissing breaks, when a cable shifts
sliding over others and under more
or grouped with split wires
those cackling, creaking sounds
when a mic has been damaged
or incorrectly connected
to a device of ampli(fi)cation
i cringe to the beauty of my mistaken
incompetence
when i create sounds that were
NOT meant to be
but bring forth the danger
and clatter
of how the world really is
all when cable is adjusted
for the mic check
that is a live performance
rolling in its grave circumstance
or bad entangled situation
those hissing breaks, when a cable shifts
sliding over others and under more
or grouped with split wires
those cackling, creaking sounds
when a mic has been damaged
or incorrectly connected
to a device of ampli(fi)cation
i cringe to the beauty of my mistaken
incompetence
when i create sounds that were
NOT meant to be
but bring forth the danger
and clatter
of how the world really is
all when cable is adjusted
for the mic check
that is a live performance
3/14/10
#73 - Words of Unrest
there are days when i get the urge to run through the streets gathering those who are appalled with the current governmental procedures
but then there are days when my unrest is overcome by the morose and dying thoughts of boredom
there are days when i get the urge to march on the doors of elected officials to scream bloody murder
but then there are days when my unrest is second to lost hope and fear of failure or success
there are days when i get the urge to preach about the wrongs of those that serve us in places of power
but then there are days when my unrest is not enough to get me standing against the present systems
there are days when i get the urge to do something
but then there are days when i get the urge to do nothing
but then there are days when my unrest is overcome by the morose and dying thoughts of boredom
there are days when i get the urge to march on the doors of elected officials to scream bloody murder
but then there are days when my unrest is second to lost hope and fear of failure or success
there are days when i get the urge to preach about the wrongs of those that serve us in places of power
but then there are days when my unrest is not enough to get me standing against the present systems
there are days when i get the urge to do something
but then there are days when i get the urge to do nothing
3/13/10
#72 - Bells
So the last few days i've been playing with an old bell kit my younger brother got when studying percussion in his youth. A while back my parents were cleaning up their house and thought about getting rid of it.
"Why would we ever need this?" was their sentiment.
"To make noise of course." was my expected response when i found out about their plan to get rid of it.
It had no mallets, but it had the stand and the little snare practice pad along with the bell kit itself in a nice case. Needless to say i knew that i could put it to good use. An would get more out of it than trying to sell it to some middle school band kid. (although the though of some kid annoying his parents all day with shrill uncoordinated playing is music to my ears)
I really am starting to love this thing, and every time i walk by it i feel the need to band on it for at least a few seconds (or occasionally just hit one note really hard and admire its tone).
My only issue is that after buying some mallets, i'm not sure if i bought the right ones...i mean they work and sound great, but as an untrained hitter of metal strips what am i to do?
i got some medium rubber oval mallets...they are blue (the handles too)
but should i have gone with soft? or hard? or wound yarn of specific hardness???
too many choices....
i guess all i can do is play this little bell kit to my heart's content and incorporate it into my live gig and albums...i've already written 2 songs for it..and have some super fun jams that are perfectly composed but give me an idea of what to do with it when i play live...i'm working on crafting my next live set to showcase it....
i really love making noise with this thing...and to think, i saved it from an unknown future of annoying parents just to be used as something to annoy myself and those who listen to my sonic art.
"Why would we ever need this?" was their sentiment.
"To make noise of course." was my expected response when i found out about their plan to get rid of it.
It had no mallets, but it had the stand and the little snare practice pad along with the bell kit itself in a nice case. Needless to say i knew that i could put it to good use. An would get more out of it than trying to sell it to some middle school band kid. (although the though of some kid annoying his parents all day with shrill uncoordinated playing is music to my ears)
I really am starting to love this thing, and every time i walk by it i feel the need to band on it for at least a few seconds (or occasionally just hit one note really hard and admire its tone).
My only issue is that after buying some mallets, i'm not sure if i bought the right ones...i mean they work and sound great, but as an untrained hitter of metal strips what am i to do?
i got some medium rubber oval mallets...they are blue (the handles too)
but should i have gone with soft? or hard? or wound yarn of specific hardness???
too many choices....
i guess all i can do is play this little bell kit to my heart's content and incorporate it into my live gig and albums...i've already written 2 songs for it..and have some super fun jams that are perfectly composed but give me an idea of what to do with it when i play live...i'm working on crafting my next live set to showcase it....
i really love making noise with this thing...and to think, i saved it from an unknown future of annoying parents just to be used as something to annoy myself and those who listen to my sonic art.
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